Talking to a few people close to my heart, I told them I feel like Lucky.
Lucky is my dog, she is a rescue dog paralyzed from the waist down. When I first found her, when I tried to pick her up, she ran away. I thought that was normal, she doesn’t know me, she’s scared.
When I tried to introduce her to my other dogs, Lucky would scream at the slightest touch. Whether it was a harsh bite or just a nudge, Lucky would scream.
These days I feel like Lucky, at the slightest nudge, I start screaming. This screaming takes on different forms: extreme panic attacks, episodes of uncontrollable tears, explosions of unexplainable anger.
Lucky had been through a trauma. She had been abandoned by her family, I’m not sure if it was before or after her injury, but she was left behind because she couldn’t keep up.
I don’t know what’s going on in your life, but if any of this resonated with you that means that there’s something inside. Something inside that never healed.
It took a long time for lucky to stop screaming when someone touched her, eventually she stopped. Eventually she started playing.
I pray that I get out of this phase quickly. But I have also learnt that these screams and bouts of anger are indicators of things moving inside. Even after sessions and sessions of working on myself I still have these bouts. They do have their patterns so when they increase in frequency I know that there’s something greater than what i can see going on.
But until they calm down I force myself to face myself. To face those I scream at. I force myself because I know that I need help on the inside.
Help is facing your insides.