They are gone, but they still control you. Not in the sense that they tell you what to do and what not to do, but their harm still extends even though they are not in your life anymore.
You sit there wondering what is wrong with you. Why you can’t just deal with life like everyone else. You told yourself a long time ago that you wouldn’t let this affect you, that you’d move on. You tell yourself that you did.
The problem is that you think just because someone isn’t physically there, that they no longer have an effect on your every day life.
You have your routine, you go about your day not thinking twice about them, and why would you? They have their life and you have yours. Your roads barely cross paths, that’s if they ever do.
They left and the wounds they left behind in you still bleed. You pulled out the knife of their daily presence, but you still bleed out… if time healed all wounds yours would be a scar long forgotten, but it still hurts doesn’t it?
It hurts that they are not there…
That they CHOSE to leave
That they never tried to fix it
That they never apologized.
To constantly hope and pray that they would realize the confusion they caused and that it didn’t just disappear as time passed, but that the confusion became like a vacuum, a black hole, that sucks in everything around it, to constantly hope is exhausting..
But you don’t want that… you’re not really waiting for an apology; because you love them regardless of the actions that they took, you actually make excuses for them to justify how things turned out.