Today I caught myself in one of the biggest predicaments. There have been so many people who tell me that I deserve better, that I sell myself short, that I cannot see what I truly am worth. My response to that is generally, “I mean, I know I have self confidence issues, but not to the extent where I would say that I sell myself short.”
Today I had an epiphany. I like to be there when other people have disappeared, it’s just in my nature. I do not believe that people should go through life’s toughest times alone. I will always be there if you need me.
So far so good?
My problem is when everything is going well I step out of the picture. At first thought, it’s because my role is done. But as I scratched the surface I realized that my job in life is not to fix things (teams) and be there for people then disappear when things are going well.
And the deeper I searched, the more I realized that I feel that my place is not to be in the easy moments. Like I deserve the struggle. That is what I am made for, the struggle.
It hurt. It really hurt, because one of the voices inside is just keeping me in suffering. And it’s selling it to me like I am doing something out of humility. Not out of self esteem issues.
It’s so frustrating, every time you think that you’ve reached a place where you are doing well and you realize that you’re not. That you’re still chained up in that lil mind if yours, thinking you are free.
Recovery is like a spiral staircase. If you draw it out there will always be a part that crosses over- and we get bogged down in that. We think that means that we are moving in circles, that we keep on coming back to square one; but the truth is it’s a staircase, you are moving forward.
Make sure that there are people around you who see you in the right light, that their perception of you is not swayed whether you did something for them or not- people that will tell you honestly if you are playing around in the mud or if you are taking steps forward.