I don’t think you will ever comprehend the number of sleepless nights. The tears I cried over you. There’s anger, and there is just … a hollow pain. It’s not a pain of emptiness, you were physically here, but I never had you, you were always somewhere else. Bit by bit you carved out my heart, but I couldn’t see that. All I saw was you taking something you needed at the time and I gladly gave it to you because I loved you. But I never understood why I could never reach out to you when I needed something. Extend my hands to you to only find emptiness. I thought you were just going through a hard time. Being the person I am, if I believed hard enough and showed you how much I loved you, your heart would be moved; and I would come closer to you. But every time I extended my hand..you would take a step farther.
“Don’t come near me, you won’t like what you see.” But the truth is at that time if you had shown me nothingness, I wouldn’t have turned away. I would have stayed and rebuilt it with you. The problem is one of two things that up to this day, years later, I still have no answer to… You either didn’t want to rebuild it, or you didn’t want to rebuild it with me.
Both of which broke my heart. And I tried telling myself over and over, that this has nothing to do with me, and that you have reached this conclusion due to a million reasons you passed through. But there’s still that piece in my core that believes that if you wanted to you would have tried. And I know you said you did…
But you just stand there, detached.