When you feel that everything you invest in comes out with a loss. Loss of time, money, energy. It’s painfully draining.
And I start to wonder, am I really even good at anything? Because I seem to be failing everything I do.
I don’t mind that some people are better than me. I’m not expecting to be the best. But it’s just that being pummeled over and over in life is too much. The energy to get back up is no longer there.
It hurts. It hurts even more when people turn on you. When you no longer have support of loved ones.. Or those who you thought were at your back.
It hurts to feel like a failure. It hurts so bad. And sure if you ask anyone about me they will tell you “she’s done so and so and people love her”- only that rarely is manifested to me. On the contrary I feel like I am banging my head on a wall. And now I am bleeding, not slightly, I am bleeding. And it seems each person is in there own little world that no on can take care of me, when all I wanted to do was be there for people.
I need to turn away from wanting the acceptance of people. I need to find self satisfaction- that is almost impossible with a mind like mine.
I need to find something greater than humans to satisfy my insides.
The day I after I wrote this I had a completely different perspective Dealing with failure/ failing part 2