Failing

When you feel that everything you invest in comes out with a loss. Loss of time, money, energy. It’s painfully draining. 
And I start to wonder, am I really even good at anything? Because I seem to be failing everything I do. 

I don’t mind that some people are better than me. I’m not expecting to be the best. But it’s just that being pummeled over and over in life is too much. The energy to get back up is no longer there.
It hurts. It hurts even more when people turn on you. When you no longer have support of loved ones.. Or those who you thought were at your back. 
It hurts to feel like a failure. It hurts so bad. And sure if you ask anyone about me they will tell you “she’s done so and so and people love her”- only that rarely is manifested to me. On the contrary I feel like I am banging my head on a wall. And now I am bleeding, not slightly, I am bleeding. And it seems each person is in there own little world that no on can take care of me, when all I wanted to do was be there for people. 

I need to turn away from wanting the acceptance of people. I need to find self satisfaction- that is almost impossible with a mind like mine. 

I need to find something greater than humans to satisfy my insides. 

The day I after I wrote this I had a completely different perspective Dealing with failure/ failing part 2

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2 thoughts on “Failing

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  1. 1-it’s a bad feeling i am with you in that but with out feeling bad you won’t feel what’s good.
    2-there are no investments comes out with a complete loss you gain (Patience,knowledge,experience,lesson and a new thing about you didn’t know you had) you don’t loss money you get money to buy lesson and they are not that cheap.
    3-being pummeled over and over in life too much that is good that means you don’t give up easily and you are hared to be knocked down.
    4-people are going to turn on you in my perspective for two things either they want to be like you or they see that you are to much for them,by the way i support you,and i have your back don’t you worry about that if it mean something to you.
    5-i know it hurts when you feel like a failure but you aren’t one of them “if” you are a failure (remember that i said “if”) then i will be a disgrace.
    6-acceptance is yours not for people to give if you accept you then why need it from the people around you.
    7-your mind is not the problem,the problem is you care about what people think of you i say to hell with it you will never please everyone and you won’t keep them all anyway.
    8-love god,family(you can choose of them),yourself and how ever giving some of that love back.
    9-law momken as2lek how do you see your self failing miss?

    Liked by 1 person

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