The problem is: they’re hurting themselves.
Enabling is more about you than it is about your person.
The problem is that when you do see them in whatever state they are in, it hurts you in some way, and you can’t handle that pain; so you try to fix their situation so that you don’t see the pain. What probably happens is that you will give them something that can provide instant gratification, anything from a home cooked meal to sleeping with them. Ultimately what you are doing is providing a cushion for your person to fall on, so that you don’t see them feeling THAT bad.
But whats wrong with feeling bad?
It hurts? Yes
It’s uncomfortable? Definitely
But here’s what I’ve learnt, if you are always cushioning my fall, it will never really hurt that bad. I don’t really mind the fall, because its just a couple of scratches thanks to your pillows. I never really hit the concrete floor.
The only way I will stop falling is if the hurt of the fall over rides the pain I feel on a constant basis. To add a little bit of more complication: the fall is actually fun most of the time.
Stop cushioning the blow and saying that you’ve got your person’s best interest in mind. You’re not really helping them, you’re helping yourself believe that they are okay.