Cushioning the blow

The problem is: they’re hurting themselves.

FALSE.

Enabling is more about you than it is about your person.

The problem is that when you do see them in whatever state they are in, it hurts you in some way, and you can’t handle that pain; so you try to fix their situation so that you don’t see the pain.  What probably happens is that you will give them something that can  provide instant gratification,  anything from a home cooked meal to sleeping with them. Ultimately what you are doing is providing a cushion for your person to fall on, so that you don’t see them feeling THAT bad.

But whats wrong with feeling bad?

It hurts? Yes

It’s uncomfortable? Definitely

But here’s what I’ve learnt, if you are always cushioning my fall, it will never really hurt that bad. I don’t really mind the fall, because its just a couple of scratches thanks to your pillows. I never really hit the concrete floor.

The only way I will stop falling is if the hurt of the fall over rides the pain I feel on a constant basis. To add a little bit of more complication: the fall is actually fun most of the time.

Stop cushioning the blow and saying that you’ve got your person’s best interest in mind. You’re not really helping them, you’re helping yourself believe that they are okay.

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3 thoughts on “Cushioning the blow

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    1. Here’s the thing if you’re finding a special someone to catch you in your fall then you are manipulating them. We also need to look at whether the one cushioning the blow is turning a blind eye to the cause. I’m not talking about someone who haphazardly looses their job and needs some comforting, but rather that someone keeps loosing their job knowing that you won’t make them pay rent and will provide food when they are at home playing PS.
      Sometimes the best support system is telling you straight up when somethings wrong and won’t sugar coat it, and then give you the choice to find a way out if you want to. But if they don’t will you keep doing the same thing?

      Liked by 1 person

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